Carry On

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Carry on, let the good times roll
Sail along, let your path unfold
It won’t be long, won’t be long, won’t be long
You know it’s gonna get better, you know it’s gonna get better
Say a prayer for the broken bones
Cause who cares? We’re all going home
And it won’t be long, won’t be long, won’t be long
You know it’s gonna get better, you know it’s gonna get better

I got one foot in the golden life, one foot in the gutter
So close to the other side, so far from the wonder
I got one foot in the golden life, one foot in the gutter
So sick of the tug of war, that keeps pulling me under

Let the good times roll
Let the good times roll

Carry on, outlast the ignorance
Moving on, survive the innocence
Won’t be long, won’t be long, won’t be long
You know it’s gonna get better

(OuterSpace/Carry On, 5 Seconds of Summer)

We all have that moment in life where we (just all of a sudden) doubt everything that we’re doing. Self-esteem’s on the edge of falling and firm decisions start on cracking.

And I myself had experienced these things during summer break. In my previous post, I wrote that ‘nothing important had happened’, yes, aside from the fact that I had a massive breakdown when I got home from work, one of those busy days in my summer break.

I cried silently, and damn it hurts.

As a matter of fact, nothing extraordinary happened that day. Same old shit but a different day, said one direction. But it was weird and crazy for me. Yet I’ve realized that it was the sum of all the stresses, frustrations, and exhaustions that ate me up at work, at home and those that I’ve physically ignored but mentally absorbed. Being a downright lowkey just made it worse for me since I don’t usually talk about it with anyone else. It sucks, yeah.

Therefore most of the time, I listen to the songs that really intrigues and enlightens me up. It was the most common way of dealing with stress but it truly works.

Carry on, let the good times roll. And it’ll gonna to get better.

Hi!

I haven’t posted for a couple months ‘cos there wasn’t something important to share other than my summer break which was composed of papers and all. But in the end of it, it was fun. Have a nice day friends. All the love x

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5SOSMNL

5 Seconds of Summer’s concert Sounds Live Feels Live (PH) will be on March 12

Sadly I will not be able to go.

I wasn’t able to buy a ticket, but I’ve already planned on staying outside the arena even though my friends will be watching inside. I thought it’ll still be such a good experience to hear them singing for how many meters away from where I would. I’ve actually planned what I would do and thought about what would unexpectedly happen that night.

Things like..

It’s okay to stay outside, maybe there will be a lot of fans who would do that as well. And eventually make friends with them.

I might unexpectedly see Dave (their bodyguard) and I’ll go tell him I’m his long lost daughter, he might lead me inside (which is pretty ridiculous and seriously impossible)

Or maybe, after the concert, I would unexpectedly run into the boys in the parking lot before they leave.

But, things that you couldn’t control would happen and will ruin your plans which really pissed me off. I was assigned (and finalized) to organize a mass meeting for the coming election. Although I wanted to say no, I was already expected to be there.

And damn, it did left me frustrated.

Yet, I still decided to actually join a ticket giveaway entries on twitter. The first account who made the contest asked us to tweet the reason why do we want to see the band. And so I did what they want, though I wasn’t really expecting to be chosen since the contest had already started four days before I’ve known about it. And then, about two days after, I visited the account to see if they announced the winners already BUT, the account was DELETED.

USER NOT FOUND.

And I was like, Bloody hell.

And so I’ve tried another, which happened to be a lot easier. I just have to tweet four emojis that best describe the four lads, send an email to the account including my basic info and the link of my tweet. And they gave us about four days of submitting our entry, so I was totally rooting that (hopefully) I would be one of the winners.

AND SADLY.

I wasn’t chosen.

AND EXPECTEDLY.

I was pretty upset about it.

Honestly, I’m beyond jealous that my friends will be able to see and watch them perform live for the first time. I really love their music, their band, and the lads themselves. And knowing that they’ll be here in our country to finish their Asian Tour is making me more anxious. Hope they would enjoy their stay here (though I’m sure they would) knowing how much their fans here love them like in any other countries they’ve been into.

And hopefully, in the right time and in the right place, I will be able to meet them personally.

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Michael, Calum, Luke and Ashton, see you soon. x – C.

Relapses

Stop.

Look at them, they’re all staring at you.

No.

They’re mocking you.

Stop it.

They’re judging you. Aren’t you feeling bad about yourself?

Ignore it. It’ll stop.

They could hurt you.

No they’re not.

And they might gonna do that, because you’re letting them. You seemed weak.

How could you let them read pass through you?

Why don’t you try to snap out of it? Shout at them. Shove them.

What? Why aren’t you doing anything?

They’ll hurt you.

They’ll

I covered both my ears and furiously shaked my head to try to get away from them. I shut my eyes closed and mumbled words to try to calm myself and let the voices fade away though I’m clearly aware of people around me, probably staring at me.

I thought they were gone.

I thought they’ll never come back.

You look stupid. Standing there where people are seconds away of causing you so much pain.

I can feel my hands trembling.

Do you want that?

Hurt them before they hurt you.

Y

“No! Shut up! Leave me alone!”

I’m currently working on this one, hope it would actually go with what I want and what is supposed to be its theme. Though, I’m quite having a hard time to make it realistic as possible since it’ll actually be a serious one. I’ve never made a story as sensitive as what I’m implying to, but my inner demons won’t stop being interested in this case. And I don’t know if I’m going to post it here or just type it in my phone and keep it as much as possible.

Well, goodnight.

Awesome ghost

There’s this tumblr post that the person talked about if she ever died, she would do this and that, just being an awesome ghost. I’ve find it pretty cool so I posted it on instagram and I’ve just thought about it again when I was having my breakfast. Funny thing is, I was eating my breakfast when I started to think about someone that might be staring at me everywhere although I can’t see him or her or whatever. It was weird, yeah, but what if I’m a ghost and was the one staring at somebody. Or if I’m a ghost what would I do? Though I’m not sure if a ghost is able to go into different places or just stay where he or she died. But maybe they could, right? They could teleport as well or whatever.. If they can’t, I might going to ride a plane and fortunately doesn’t need a visa. ✌

I’ve listed things I would do if I would be a ghost. This post might sound weird, yeah, but at least I’ve tried.

1. Observe people, because I love doing it.

2. Make it through or pass every wall in school especially in classrooms while everyone is having their lessons.

3. Watch in a cinema where a comedy movie is being played and make fun of someone, and laugh on how ridiculous that might be.

4. Make call pranks.

5. Scare my friend’s jerk-of-an-ex-boyfriend.

6. Join a party and make friends with every ghosts in the city.

7. Make a sudden appearance on a movie shooting, of a horror movie of course.

8. Try to date a guy ghost and be partners in crime.

9. Make every library in the city my place. Cause that would be pretty great for a reader ghost like me.

10. Visit my own tomb and talk to myself. Like what every other people do in a movie, when they’re visiting someone.

11. Protect all the important people in my life.

12. Write my own story and post it together with my name and share it on facebook, twitter and instagram. Or I might as well post a blog here.

13. Watch Super Bowl live and sit on the middle of the field. Watch every concerts of celebrities I like and sit on the side of the stage.

14. Sneak out a lot of pizzas and give it to the homeless persons in the middle of the night, so they’re going to have a pizza breakfast in the morning.

15. Make fun of all stupid and bad government officials.

16. Try to swim, since I’m already dead and I’m not going to drown anymore.. I think.

17. Scare the hell out of the Kardahsians, though I don’t have anything against them. I’m just sure I’ll be on every news in LA.

18. Jump from the highest building of the world.

19. Make an appearance in my friends’ dreams. I won’t scare them, I’ll just go with how their dreams flow.

20. Observe Cassandra Clare while writing her book and Harry Styles while composing his song.

21. Be visible to someone and talk to him or her the whole day,  and tell him what I really am. And observe their reaction.

22. Run through every person.

I don’t really know what ghosts do before they went to heaven or you-know, yet it sounds amazing if they’re only lurking around because they want to do something awesome they haven’t done when they were alive. It was just normal that we get scared of them since it’s implanted in our mind that they do look scary. But what if they’re just having fun? People says that they wouldn’t harm you unless you’ve done something to them.

I haven’t seen one, and I’m not expecting to. I don’t know what I’m going to do if that would happen. I might freak out before I got to ask them ‘how was your day dude?!’ even it sounds ridiculous to do.

So, how about you?
How awesome are you if you would be a ghost?

Tenth of February

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Time check: It’s already eleven o’six in the evening on my phone’s time. I was actually supposed to do my report on my government and constitution subject, and guess what? I haven’t done anything since I sat on this chair merely two hours ago. What I’ve done was: one, checked my new downloaded ebook stories and delete them afterwards because of some stupid reasons, two, I played a new song and put it on repeat, three, just sitting here doing nothing but staring at my glass of water while listening to the repeated song, four, flip some pages of my textbook while the repeated song is still playing, five, just staring everywhere my eyes pleased and decided to change the song but still on repeat and six, draw two different left eyes that looks pretty dull. And oh, meet my little lad, the dolphin, named Perrie.

Shrug.

I’m actually supposed to answer this question:

If you’re going to change one of the sections in your country’s constitution, what is it and why?

I’ve been weighing my amendments down since last night. I have a lot in mind, I want to change, improve..etc something. Yet somehow, I just can’t answer the question easily without understanding and checking all of the other sections or laws that I might run into, though it’s pretty possible that I’ll be encountering some of these. And we have to present this in front of the class and maybe one or two panels who are certainly known for their knowledge and degrees involving laws, policies, government..etc. And I’m sure, my professor’s going to call me since he’s been asking about my report since last week, but I did nothing.

I’ve actually searched some conversations regarding my report, as a reference so I have more ideas on how to defend mine, and I ended up on interesting site. A lot of users where talking about what they want to change and responding on some other answers that they don’t approved. It was interesting ’cause at least there’s this site where people could argue and be confident to voice out whatever they want regarding our country’s government and constitution. Yet, I just got to understand several answers, since some of the respondents were sort of really deep. I mean, when you read their answer, you’ll thought you actually understand what they’re saying but as you go on and on, it’s becoming hard for you to catch up what the heck are they talking about.

And so I stopped searching and watched movie. Then I ended up on twitter, chatting with my friends and just scrolling..not pretty productive, yeah. And here I am, still typing on what I could share more onto you guys while mosquitoes are everywhere and my mom and bros are sleeping. I’ve actually killed or slapped one and thought what if it was just trying to get food and or on his way home. And what if I’m the one who wants to eat food and is excited to go home but got slapped by some stranger, worse got killed. Boohoo.

Poor little thing, that mosquito.

It’s already five minutes before midnight, crickets are getting noisier. So I’m going to continue my report adventure and say ‘Ciao!’ (though I don’t really know if this is used to say bye or hi, I just feel it could be lol) Funny thing is, I’m going to post this tomorrow (February 11) ’cause we don’t have internet connection, poor little me.

I appreciate some answers if you are willing to share yours about the bold and italized question at the top. ✌

My Political Philosophy

My parents weren’t involved in any local movements but I am. I was introduced with the way Gabriela organization moves as well as how social workers acts as change agents. Both wanted movement towards change and development socially, economically and politically. I believe that women and children needs protection against violence and discrimination. Empower our people and community towards oppression, especially those on marginalized sectors. Regardless of the race, age, gender, and or considered to be on the poverty level should have the opportunity to learn and benefit from public education. Recognize accurate assistances for the eligible people who are in need. More employment opportunities with benefits for those who are unemployed, which are based on their skills or capabilities, graduated or not.

To solve social prolems, the state should make social policies that is truly accurate based on the current conditions of our people, community, and the society. And our community should have a proper response towards social issues that they are attached into, and are eager to cooperate on these policies to make a more ideal condition for all. As a Filipino youth and a social work student, I’m aware on how our country moves slowly towards development in terms of giving the people the right to access services that are supposed to be given by the government from the taxes that we pay them.

The Philippines is a fractured democracy, where feudal practices persist and where the greater national budget is dedicated to servicing foreign debt and paying a bloated bureaucracy, or is wasted on fake or overpriced development projects. There is very little for social programs. We believe that foreign aid is wasted when poured into the coffers of rich politicians for projects they design to benefit their own family businesses or those of their cronies. Even disaster relief money is squandered and dissipated through corrupt practices.

We have different political philosophies, we might agree and disagree on some levels but somehow we are all aware that we still have long way to go before we can feel very happy about our ability to resolve many social problems and a long way to go before our country works as well as it should.

Small part

Posted: July 6, 2014 on Facebook.

Tahimik lang kami dito sa loob ng kotse niya. Nakatingin ako sa labas ng bintana, habang pinapanuod ang mga sasakyang panandaliang ring nakatigil dahil sa traffic.

“Naiinip kana?” Tanong niya.

Umiling nalang ako at nginitian siya. Nagulat naman ako nang biglang may tumugtog. Binuksan niya pala yung radyo.

“Pampatanggal inip.”

“Hindi naman ako naiinip eh.”

Nginitian niya lang ako. Hinayaan ko nalang at pinakinggan ang kanta..

‘Oh and I’ve got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can’t keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she’s inches from me..

Oh and I know..’

“This love grows~”

Napatingin naman ako sakanya nang marinig kong sumabay siya sa kanta.

Nakangiti siya at sinabing, “You know what, I wanna thank the DJ for playing this song. Hm.”

“Bakit?”

“Kasi, alam niya yung gusto kong iparating. Alam niya kung paano tsumempo..” tinignan niya ako, “..he exactly know what I really feel.”

Napatigil ako saglit..

Then, I sighed and teasingly said, “Tawagan mo. Tapos magthankyou ka. Wag mo kaming kakalimutang batiin ah?” ‘

Effin-panira-ng-moment-mode.

I laughed, para mawala yung awkwardness na naramdaman ko kanina. Nakita ko namang kumunot ang noo niya tapos umiling-iling.

“Talking about slow person.”

Binalik ko nalang ang tingin ko sa bintana, minsan, gusto ko lang din talagang ganun ang isipin niya, ’cause I’m aware of what exactly he’s talking about.

Alam ko, pero..
I just can’t give a damn sa mga ganitong moment.

Awkward..

Ayoko ng ganito.

“Hindi naman ako slow..” alam ko ang gusto mong iparating kanina, “..hindi lang talaga ako yung tipo ng tao na magbibigay ng malisya sa mga bagay bagay.”

Totoo ‘yun.

Kahit aware ako, mas gusto kong magpatay malisya kaysa mag-assume. Ayoko din kasi yung feeling na umaasa sa wala.. well, kahit sabi ng iba may malaki kaming pag-asa, pero para sakin, malabo.. kasi hindi ‘to para samin. Kaya, as much as possible.. ayokong maramdaman niya din yun.

I know he likes me.. but I can’t give him back what he wants.

He deserve someone better.

“I know..”

Napatingin naman ako agad sakanya. Hindi siya sakin nakatingin but I saw a lop sided smile from him.

“Kaya nga I’m willing to wait and at the same time iparamdam sa’yo ito. Kahit na minsan, oo masakit, kasi ilang confessions ko na ang nareject mo..” he chuckled,

“..but believe me, I’ll still make the risk worth the shot.”

Then, he looked at me and gave me a reassuring smile.